Done with Fear

Whenever in

2004

Dear Insurance

With an eternal foul taste in my mouth, I hereby wish to terminate my insurance with immediate effect.

For about 13 years I have been a client of Insurance. I have paid my premium of about R1 400 religiously every month. To date, I have already paid almost R220 000 to premiums.

One night in 2003, after 6 claim-free years, I drove over a pavement. The damage was R22 000. After my excess of R2 000, Insurance paid the rest. This was my first and final positive experience with Insurance.

Two years later I spilled a glass of wine over my laptop and my entire computer burned out. I remind myself that Insurance will not pay if you make an accident while drinking and driving. Yet, Insurance compensated me for drinking and working. No alcohol tests were required. Also, Insurance didn’t see this one coming. Drinking and working should be added to your endless regulations of exceptions. A miracle happened! I’m getting a new laptop! I get no payout, however. The assessor delivered my new laptop, pinched under his arm. Obviously, far below the quality of the one I had. I assumed that Insurance certainly had an agreement with HP and could obtain a new laptop at almost cost. I had a top of the range laptop, in chrome. Now I have to be satisfied with a weaker and slower model, covered in black plastic. I had to be grateful, regardless of my premiums. After all, I drank and worked!

I didn’t claim again for ages.

But something like a no-claim-bonus or ex-gratia, for motivation or a thank you, does not seem to exist.

Even though I have claimed twice in the past, I had never claimed for crime all these thirteen years.

After all the years of insurance at Insurance, I have made certain of my security measures. I am staying in a security complex, with security, patrols, Trelli-Dors, fortified burglar bars, electric fences, and an alarm. I made sure all doors are closed, locked and security is in place. I made sure that nothing gets stolen. I even hide my laptop when I leave home to ensure that should a burglar break in, they won’t see, nor find my laptop. That’s anyway exactly what Insurance is expecting of me. I have to ensure that no thief will get in, and Insurance won’t have to pay out.

However, insurance companies will still convince us with the motto of one insurance company: Rest assured. Well, I don’t rest and make sure, I’m sure. The one time I did rest, not insured though, one mindless moment after a 13-year crime-free claim record, I left my laptop on the front passenger seat of my car. The first time I certainly rested, the inevitable happened. My car’s window gets broken and gone is my bag, laptop and all.

One negligence. Less negligent than the day I spilled wine over my previous laptop. Even less negligent than that night I damaged my car, driving at high speed over the pavement. Insurance is more than happy to receive and increase my premiums because I have committed a deadly sin by claiming. But no one told me that the laptop should be specified. I am just a layman under the misperception that it should automatically form part of my home content. No matter how I studied my policy, I couldn’t find any clause that stated that my laptop should not be left on the front seat of my car.

However, my first priority was to get my car’s window replaced. I was told that Insurance wants the best quality for me, but nowhere in this entire country, PG Glass or other respectable companies, no such a window was in stock. Furthermore, I will have to be patient for a month. Meanwhile, the rainy season is in full swing and I need a window. Insurance suggested that I, in the interim, cover my window with black plastic until a new one was imported. How can this be possible? After all, BMW is assembled in Rosslyn and it was impossible that a new window was unavailable in the whole of South Africa.

I phoned the local BMW agency. Just to be informed that they, in actual fact, do have a window available for R370. The biggest irony was that this agency was located right across the road from my broker. You had a view of one another’s doorstep, but there was no window available in the whole country? Really!

Or should I rather say: not an inexpensive enough window available. I subsequently informed you about my findings and you thanked me warm-heartedly. So grateful I found a window. Can I really believe this? It’s too expensive in the interest of Insurance. You had an agreement with PG Glass and whatever other glass companies, but it was more important in Insurance’s interest to rather save money, regardless of the rain and the possibility of being broken into my car, again, not to mention the possible damage to my interior. Just like the fact that I had to be satisfied with an inferior laptop, years ago, as Insurance most probably had a deal with HP too. However, it boils down to me, despite the fact that I am paying a high premium and being promised I can rest assured, having to pay the excess of R350. I have, in reality, paid my own window and Insurance only paid the installation fee. If you could have your way with PG Glass, I would probably have covered the full damage myself. But for now, I can rest assured. Rather, I think it’s more a case of: pay assured.

Fortunately, I could claim the bag in which the laptop was. Notwithstanding the fact that the bag was also on the front seat! After all, my laptop was in that bag! I think I could have argued that the bag was stolen – the laptop was just coincidently in it, part of the content. The bag’s replacement value was R3 400. For some obscure reason, Insurance does not want to pay for the laptop on the front seat but was willing to pay for the bag in which the laptop was. If it was not for the laptop, the bag would also not have been on the front seat. But you were willing to pay for the bag. But, wait for it… you will only pay R2 000 for the bag and I had to pay the excess of R250. Therefore, in effect R1 750 for the bag. It’s half its value! Where was I going to get the same bag with that money? Yet, another rule of Insurance I couldn’t see in the fine print. My bag was therefore not insured, what was insured was an inferior bag worth half the price.

Insurance should perhaps be called Partial Insurance, or Doubtful Insurance. If you are insured, you are assured that you are protected by some umbrella with holes that ensure that you get wet while their umbrella protects themselves against the rain. All while you get wet through the holes of their fine print. After this, I got a cat, and I called him Insurance. My cat is neutered and he covers nothing. When he sees a cat on heat, he yawns, thinking: Oh, go and cover yourself.

Insurance ensures no one is going to steal my stuff. If no one steals my stuff, you wouldn’t have to pay. With my security measures, any burglar would rather consider the neighbours. In all those 13 years I never had a burglary, because I was insured to rest assured. After about R220 000 worth of premium payments, Insurance does not even want to pay me R5 000. It was not even nearly the value of the laptop. Let me rather not talk about the loss of intellectual property on my computer. Claiming amount: Priceless. Not to mention the loss of work and income during the period I did not have a computer. All because a multi-million-rand company was fighting for weeks over the lump sum of R5 000. We are haggling, but we do not pay.

I remained determined that Insurance will pay for this laptop. If Insurance doesn’t want to pay it now, I’ll stop my insurance and take my premiums to pay for it. You will notice that I have stopped my debit order. Those premiums I save will pay for my laptop in just a few months. When that was done, I will use my premiums to sharpen my security even more to ensure that I will not be murdered during a burglary. Insurance will find some loophole anyway not to pay and the value of my life cannot be covered by Insurance. When I am safely in Fort Knox, I will take my premium and put it into a special account to cover any future possible damages.

But what about my car? What if I have a collision with a Mercedes? Anxiety is the disease of our time. What if this happens? or What if that happens? We keep on living in fear of the so-called what if syndrome. We’re so afraid. Too afraid of loss. Too afraid to live. Fear makes us afraid to live. But we apparently never ask what will happen if Insurance won’t pay. The chances for insurance to pay out are slimmer than the chance of me crashing into a Mercedes or getting through the eye of a needle. And we forget about the excess. I have been driving for 23 years and have not yet hit a Mercedes. Insurance knows it very well. You are fully aware that people fear their own what ifs and will pay to be assured. However, Insurance also knows something our common mortals don’t know. Our what ifs are just a fear with a slim terrifying chance of ever happening. We are anyway too trapped in this material world.

As the Holy Scriptures say: Do not put your trust in princes and Insurance. Insurance is, if you think about it, actually a bet: I bet Insurance that I will make an accident and Insurance bets me I won’t. The fine print ensures that Insurance makes sure it will not cost them too much (if anything) should you lose the bet every now and then. In some way or another, Insurance always wins the bet and with your winning money, you erect multi-million-rand buildings, pay your employees, and even do some sponsorship.

I guess it was the philosopher, Bertrand Russel who said: Whoever fears, fears life and those who fear life are already three-quarters dead.

I am now also done with the fear thing. I’m done with the death thing. My what if now becomes a so what. With this attitude, I can surely rest assured, since somehow, we always survive. Always. And if we don’t survive – we’ll die, as we all will do, eventually. No one has ever walked out of this life alive and Insurance will not pay for the loss of my life. Even if you do, I’m not going to know it anyway. Neither do I fear death, for in the afterlife Insurance won’t pay if a string from my harp would break.

I think I can use my fear to my advantage and if I see a Mercedes next to me, I can just be motivated to be extra careful and even still save lives in the process. Perhaps it will help me to strive for higher spiritual values rather than worry about a stupid Mercedes.

I had already cancelled my debit order at Insurance and I really enjoyed it when the bank wrote back my last debit order. For the first time, I also know what it feels like to get a no-claim bonus. When I saved enough money, for sure I’m going to write off that Mercedes, no question about it. At least I can brag with my friends about how much I enjoyed writing off that Mercedes and paying for it in cash. At least I don’t have to tell them why my insurance company showed me a middle finger as to why you didn’t pay for it.

Yes, nothing in this old world is ever sure. For sure.

Yours unfaithfully

Jorgan